Let’s Talk About Grief & Trauma
Alright, let’s get into it-
Grief and trauma are like those unpredictable guests at a party, showing up at the most inconvenient times and making everything a little bit messier.
Grief, as we all know, is that gut-punch of pain when something—or someone—important to you vanishes from your life. It can be expected, like the slow burn of a goodbye, or it can be a total sucker punch, like a loss that comes out of nowhere. Either way, it hits hard. Trauma, on the other hand, is the emotional fallout from something that shakes your world—whether it’s an event that shatters your sense of safety, trust, or stability. It’s like the emotional equivalent of hitting a brick wall at full speed.
Emotionally
The best way I can describe it ( and often hear from clients I work with) is that it feels like a rollercoaster ride that has you questioning your own reactions. One minute, you’re feeling totally fine—almost normal—and then, out of nowhere, you’re hit with a wave of emotion that you can’t explain. It could be a sudden rush of sadness, anger, or confusion, or even feeling completely numb, like you’re watching everything from the sidelines. Sometimes, it can feel like you're too much of everything: overwhelmed, overreacting, or entirely drained. Other times, it’s like you’re too little, unable to feel anything at all, disconnected from everything and everyone around you. And then there’s the unpredictability. One moment, you’re trying to move forward, maybe even think you’re doing okay, and the next moment, something—anything—can set off an avalanche of feelings you weren’t prepared for. A smell, a song, a place, or even just a quiet moment can remind you of what you’ve lost, and it all comes rushing back. Grief and trauma don’t ask for permission to show up; they barge in without warning.
Physically
It can feel like your body is holding onto every bit of emotional pain and making it known. You might feel tension creeping into your shoulders or an ache in your chest, like your heart’s doing its own version of a workout. Maybe you’ve got headaches, muscle pain, or a sense of fatigue that’s impossible to shake. It’s that constant, gnawing feeling that something’s off, even if you don’t always know what.
Mentally
Its pretty common that your brain can feel stuck in a fog, where time feels warped. You could be distracted, forgetful, or feel like you’re not really there, even if you’re physically present. You might even find yourself replaying moments, conversations, or “what ifs” in your head—an endless loop that makes it hard to focus on anything else.
So what can you do when grief and trauma come knocking at the door?
First, let’s acknowledge something crucial: It’s okay to feel like you’re falling apart. It’s even more okay if you are falling apart. Seriously. Your mind and body are trying to process something major, and that takes time. But here are some tips to help you navigate the rough waters in the beginning stages of grief:
Allow Yourself to Feel (Even the Ugly Stuff): Trying to avoid your feelings is like trying to ignore a massive elephant in the room—it doesn’t work. Instead of bottling everything up, let yourself feel the full range of emotions. Cry, scream, or just sit in silence. The sooner you acknowledge how much it hurts, the sooner you can start to heal.
Take it One Day at a Time (or One Hour, If You Have To): When grief hits, thinking about the future can feel like staring into a black hole. Start small. Focus on the now. Maybe it’s just getting through the next hour, or maybe it’s making it to the end of the day. Break it down into bite-sized chunks and allow yourself to just be in the present.
Find Your Grounding Practices: This can be anything that helps anchor you when you’re feeling unmoored. It could be deep breathing, taking walks in nature, yoga, journaling, or even just a cup of tea and a quiet moment. Find what helps you reconnect with yourself and remind you that, even though things feel out of control, you have tools to handle it.
Reach Out for Support (It’s Not Weakness, It’s Survival): Grief can feel incredibly isolating, but you don’t have to go through it alone. Talk to a friend, family member, or therapist—someone who gets it, or at least wants to try. You don't have to do it all by yourself.
Be Gentle with Your Body: Trauma and grief don’t just live in your head—they take a toll on your body too. If you’re feeling tense, exhausted, or physically drained, it’s okay to rest. You’re not weak for needing breaks, and you’re not failing by taking time to recharge.
Give Yourself Permission to Rest: Sometimes, when you’re in the throes of grief, your brain wants to run at full speed. But the best way to process is by allowing yourself to pause and rest. Trust me, you’re not going to "get over it" any faster by running yourself into the ground.
Here’s the thing: this doesn’t last forever. It might feel like you’re stuck in a never-ending storm, but over time, with support and patience, you find ways to navigate it. The pain doesn’t vanish, but you begin to learn how to live alongside it, until eventually, it doesn’t take up as much space in your life as it did before.
